Signs of an Unhealthy, Toxic Church – Are You in the Right Church?

 

Are You In The Right Church

Signs of an Unhealthy, Toxic Church – Are You in the Right Church?

(It’s very frustrating nowadays to see what is happening before our eyes. I have read some stories from various online sites on this issue, and this is what I came up with. As always, you have the FREE WILL that we got from GOD to go to or attend whatever church or follow whatever religion you wish.)

When people leave a difficult and painful church, they often ask in counseling, “Is this normal? Am I crazy or overreacting? Is this unhealthy church leadership?” It’s a difficult question to answer without knowing all the details. If you know from experience that when you serve in leadership in a chaotic and mistrustful church environment, you are often put in confusing positions where you don’t know how to respond. Too often, you are taught that “our way is the best way and our critics are our enemies.” Additionally, you have often seen what happens to those who disagree with church leadership and some of the ugly responses they have endured.

I didn’t really believe the serious concerns from various pastors at the time, but I do now. Church leadership dysfunction hurts church leaders, and, even worse, it hurts the flock. Unbiblical leadership or a pastor's culture messes with your head, and unfortunately, people get hurt when it’s not properly addressed. Before I go on, I am not pointing out any particular church.

As a church member, what are the signs of bad church leadership, and when is it time to make a change? 

A church is a place where you give and receive love and care, grow in your faith, and know God! But, like any family, when there's abuse from the one providing protection and guidance, it leaves us feeling broken. Bad experiences from church and ministry leaders can lead people to walk away from church for a season. When abuse or neglect happens, it can be devastating, leaving lasting wounds on hearts, souls, and minds. Not to mention, bad church leadership ultimately will lead to a dying church.

Churches everywhere you turn are getting the leadership thing backward. This is leading to more unhealthiness in churches than possibly any other mistake. Why? Because people naturally value themselves based on their status when compared with others. This leads to certain toxic ways of thinking. Jesus addressed this head-on with His disciples (Luke 22:24-27). Leadership in His upside-down Kingdom is also upside-down. It’s literally behaving like you are of the lowest status with those you’re in relationship with. Many so-called “leaders” give lip service to being servants and even do a lot of things for people. But servant leadership is not about what you say or do alone. It’s about your general posture and attitude. Have you ever stepped into a church and thought, “Something just is not quite right here?” Or have you been deeply involved as a member of a congregation only to realize that the church body was not living out the Bible or loving people well? If so, you have experienced an unhealthy church setting. All of us at some point or another will likely face some form of unhealthiness within a church group because people are sinners. We are all sinful and are prone to hurt one another and even misinterpret what Scripture says if we are not careful.

Church is supposed to be a place where you can go to be discipled and built up in your walk with the Lord. Some have even called it a hospital for the hurting. If this is true, and church should be a place of healing, the last thing you would expect to happen in church is that you would end up in an abusive environment. However, this happens in church, and maybe it happens more often than we want to admit.

Sadly, the type of abuse is not typically physical, but spiritual, mental, and emotional. The effects of this abuse have caused some to walk away from the church altogether, and others to even walk away from the Lord. While these things are tragedies, I believe it is possible to spot an abusive church and, hopefully, when you do, you will run from that type of church and do it quickly. We must be clear that not all churches are abusive, but there are some rotten apples in the bunch. Our simple prayer is that you would recognize the signs of an abusive church, because if you are in one, they are hurting you more than you may even realize.

Every church has a culture. But how do you know if your church culture is toxic? More importantly, how would you know whether you’re creating a toxic church culture as a leader? We’ve interacted with many church leaders, and the sad reality is that there is no shortage of toxic church culture stories and experiences. But it doesn’t have to be that way, and it certainly isn’t always that way. No church is immune to becoming toxic. Leaders are the architects of culture, meaning harmful leadership can thrive in any setting, regardless of whether you’re a church of 30 or 3,000.

Sure, some megachurches have developed a reputation for being impersonal and shallow, but so do some small churches. And just like some megachurch pastors struggle with ego and control, so do some small church pastors. The truth is that it’s not about size; it’s about prioritizing the mission over personal ambition and accepting that regardless of how many people attend your church, you’re responsible for shaping the culture. Part of a healthy church culture is being aware of the signs of toxic and healthy cultures. There have been blogs about the early warning signs that people may be toxic. But organizations have different symptoms than individuals do. So, how do you know if your church culture is toxic? Believe it or not, the Bible gives excellent practical advice. Then use Galatians 5:16-23 as a health check for yourself personally and for anything you lead. It describes what’s healthy and unhealthy – as a leader and for the Church.

(Choose wisely which church you follow or attend, which preacher you follow, or what religion you practice. You have a Bible; read it daily, and as a friend says at the end of church, go be the church!)